Twenty-third Ordinary

Matthew 18: 15 – 16

If your sister or brother should commit some wrong against you, go and point out the error, but keep it between the two of you. If she or he listens to you, you have won a loved one back; if not, try again, but take one or two others with you, so that every case may stand on the word of two or three witnesses.

“Mummy, she hit me!” “Yeah, but he hit me first!” A wise parent knows not to enter into that kind of morass without a game plan. In this week’s Gospel, Jesus offers a strategy for reconciliation when one member of the church sins against another. Most people when offended want to appeal to a higher authority (e.g. yell for Mum or Dad to intervene), but Jesus instructs the apostles to make the first attempt directly with the one who hurt them. Jesus’ aim was always inclusion and reconciliation.

Family life expert Barbara Coloroso offers good advice when kids are at odds and appeal to the parent: Put the ball back in their court. She recommends that parents help the kids develop the skills at reconciliation, skills we don’t seem born with. That includes listening, empathising, and respecting the other’s viewpoint. In her bestseller Kids Are Worth It! she offers this cure for when your kids are calling on you to referee: Hand one a pencil and the other a notebook. Tell them to sit until they come up with a single account of what occurred that they both can agree on.

When we’re at odds, the point is not to prove who’s right or wrong, but to regain connection. After all, Jesus came so that all may be one. We can start by being one with the one we’re at odds with.